Football Stories - Vamos Academia!

Inside the El Cilindro de Avellaneda (Racing's home ground) 

Moving to Buenos Aires has given me the excuse to support a new football team. The last time I had an opportunity like this was when I was five years old and I picked Leicester City. Some may say I chose badly.

Almost thirty years later I can now make a more informed choice. As a child my family trips to Filbert Street and being in awe of Gary Lineker and Peter Shelton, swung it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love Leicester City but it has been hard work.

There are twenty teams in the Argentine Premier A of which a ridiculous thirteen teams are based in Buenos Aires.  I decided to take seven different factors into consideration to make my decision:

1.            The commute to the ground

2.            Fan reputation

3.            Success on the pitch

4.            Style of football

5.            History

6.            How many fellow supporters I know

7.            Strip colour

I have never been a sheep, so as seventy per cent of Argentine football fans support Boca Juniors or River Plate, that’s two down and eleven to go. Banfield, Lanus, Velez, Argentinos Juniors and Quilmes play good football but are located in the wild-west, meaning dangerous commutes to games. Teams such as Arsenal and Huracan are doing well at the moment but may not have the resources to stay in Premier A. The last thing I want to do is have the pain of supporting another “Yo Yo” club.

Me and Ben Duncan with the sheep and
 prawn sandwich brigade at Boca Juniors  

After a month of searching I was left with two clubs from Avellaneda, just fifteen minutes away from San Telmo. The Avellaneda Derby (El Superclasico de Avellaneda) between Racing Club and Independiente is the second biggest derby in Argentina, behind Boca Juniors and River Plate. However, El Superclasico de Avellaneda is regarded as having the fiercest rivalry in the country. Why is it so fierce? Their grounds are situated just three hundred meters apart.

The grounds of Independiente (left) and Racing (right) in the the
surrounding neighbourhoud of Avellaneda

It’s a tricky decision. I return to the seven factors. Well, styles of football are similar and the commute to the ground is exactly the same.  What about history? In 1905, after a successful tour to Argentina by Nottingham Forrest, the president of Independiente was so impressed he changed the clubs colours to match Nottingham Forrest. Independiente have had the same strip and colour ever since. As a Leicester City fan I was confused why any team would want to look like our local rivals Forest?  But, I didn't want to let emotion cloud my judgement.

Independiente fans

Racing are known as ‘The Academy’ (La Academia) because they provided so many players to the Argentine national side in the 60s. However, since then they have not won much, but they have maintained their reputation of being Argentina’s most fanatical, loyal and vocal supporters. Average attendances have rarely slipped to the dismal levels of some other Argentinian clubs, despite spells in the second division, bankruptcy and suspension from the football Association. The above, are all qualities I admire in a club and they play in a reassuring blue strip, so I became a Racing Fan.

What really sealed the deal was fellow Racing fan Estaban ‘Billy’ MacDermott who is Captain of the Argentine Cricket team. He introduced me to La Academia and I have been smitten ever since. However, there is one issue. The Avellenada neighbourhood is one of the dodgiest barrios in Buenos Aires and it is always an experience getting to the ground. Here’s just one example.

Me with MCC young cricketers Paul Muchall
and Tom Lewis at Racing

When Racing played Huracan earlier in the season I invited some friends from the British Embassy and assured them that Billy would lead us to the ground safely. In reality, we found ourselves outside the Avellaneda train station after a cabbie spotted we were not locals and dumped us there adding ten pesos to the fare. No doubt a thieving Independiente fan.

There was no sign of Billy and above the din of the crowd there were several loud cracking noises.  All the cars heading to the game started reversing down the road at great speed with several passengers motioning to the sky with their middle and index fingers together.  

Esteban 'Billy' MacDermott
celebrating
 a goal at Racing

Amidst the confusion, Billy screeched alongside us in his Peugeot 205, skidded to a halt with a leisurely, “Che Boludos…”, the words most Argentine’s use to start a sentence “ …Get in the car, the Bavas Bravas (football firms) are shooting at each other.” We all did our best Starsky and Hutch style dives into the car and Billy drove us safely to the other side of the ground.  It seems, the Independiente and Racing firms could not wait any longer to get it on before the Avellenda Derby and started a week in advance!

I think it must have been at this moment that Billy decided he needed danger money for these heroic acts. He has now decided to become a football guide when he is not doing his day job.  

Esteban ‘Billy’ MacDermott - the best football guide in the world (gun war is not guaranteed).

His website is below where you can see the passion of the fans.

http://racingclubexperience.blogspot.com/

Nocturnal Argentina - November 2010

It’s that time of year again in Argentina when the rugby posts come down and are replaced by picket fences and sight-screens. It’s the cricket season, and it started with two weekends of Twenty20 cricket to ease the players’ bodies back into the season.

A typical night time scene at goodness
 knows what hour in BA

What became clear was not any lack of fitness, but that the players were struggling to ease out of their winter weekend social routine. You would think that it would be impossible for players to be late for a 2pm start wouldn’t you?

Why you may ask? Well the culture in Argentina is to have dinner late. And when I say late I mean late.  Locals meet up about midnight for a drink then go to a restaurant at about 1am, finish their meal by 4am. Then possibly go to a bar for a couple of drinks to finish the ‘evening’. Then head off home with the milkman, so to speak, at around 6am.

I must stress that the players are not out boozing as it is very unfashionable for Argentines to get drunk.  In the space of an evening they may only drink a couple of glasses of wine and four coffees.

 Players waiting to go into bat.
Keep your eyes open boys!

In England, I fondly recall 11pm on Saturday evening, switching the TV off - after Match of the Day, obviously - and crawling into bed.  Now I’am dragging myself out to have dinner and socialise at that time. I have tried to get on with this bat-like culture but have failed miserably. I no longer accept dinner invites any longer later than 10pm, because I inevitably feel my eyes closing half way through desert.

To make matters worse, for this nation complying with these nocturnal eating habits there is no afternoon siesta. As far as I can make out, the whole country is surviving on the same amount of sleep as Maggie Thatcher when she was PM.

This sleep deprivation can not only cause the odd face-down-in-the-trifle social faux pas, but imagine what problems an opening batter is likely to face after two hours shut-eye before going out to bat? I am already feeling sorry for the poor souls, whose partners have arranged dinner dates without knowing that the cricket season is upon us. They will be the ones with heads like parcel shelf dogs as they face up to their first delivery.

In praise of Diego - October 2010

Diego Lord, also known as King Pin, due to his hair which has sadly left him aged just 32. The heart and soul of the recent ICC world cricket league division four. Diego claimed his 50^th cap for Argentina. A fantastic effort for someone who’s front arm gets as high as his shoulder when bowling and presenting his none delivering hand as though he was about to blow a kiss to the batter. His method of bowling is equally amazing with him just using his index finger alone to release the ball. 

Watch out he could faint - Another ferocious appeal from Diego 

At my first training session I thought that he was practising his slower balls by bringing his index finger across the seam. After watching him bowl for a few deliveries I said that I liked his slower balls but now could you bowl some stock seamers. He replied that this was as quick as it gets! I had never seen anyone so big bowl so slowly.

The unorthodox nature of his game continued in Bologna. During a game against the USA he was desperate to take a wicket and after a few appeals were turned down he at last received a positive decision. After the appeal, which must have read one hundred and twenty five decibels, Diego suddenly dropped to the floor. We thought this was just amateur dramatics but no, he had sent himself dizzy and fainted due to the ferocity of the appeal. The physio was sent on to the field where a drink of water and a pill got him through the rest of the spell.

Diego 'King Pin' Lord

The antics continued when he was adjudged to be obstructing the field. As the ball was thrown back to the bowler, he thought he would run his bat in at head height, diverting the incoming throw to mid off. This bizarre occurrence left the whole Argentine team in fits of laughter.

When Diego finished his final bowling spell in international cricket it all became too much for the big lad, causing him to burst into tears. Lucrative sponsorship contracts from tissue firms, headache tablets and natural water manufactures would surely have been his, had he been born in a test-playing nation.

The Three Amigos - September 2010

Teddington CC and Argentina

During Argentina’s recent tour of the UK we played against Teddington CC at their glorious home ground set within 1,100 acres of Bushy Park. After the game both sets of players talked about the days play in the bar. When the bus came to collect us there was a shortage of seats, so three players remained behind, luxuriating in the hospitality of their hosts and supporters. The plan was to order a taxi later.

Amigo number one -
  Lucas Paterlini

Richard 'Bonfire' Brown -
Teddington host

Much later, as it turned out. Eventually deciding it was time to leave, the ‘Argentine Three’ snuck away. After negotiating the three-quarter-of-a-mile walk in pitch-black and bypassing stag in pre mating season, they found the gate. What they failed to realise was that the three meter high iron gates of the park closed earlier at dusk. 

Savage to Austin

With three cricket bags in tow they had the choice of either, walking back to the club house and ask the jolly Teddington faithful to open the gates or try to scale the gates with three cricket bags; they chose the second dangerous option.

Amigo number two -
Alejandro Ferguson

On successful completion of the Krypton Factor-esque escape plan, they now faced a bigger problem. These weren't the gates they entered the park earlier in the day. Hopelessly lost, they settled on a plan of flagging down a taxi – as they would do in Buenos Aires where - one in five cars are for hire.

Amigo number three  -
 Pablo Ferguson

After, circumnavigating the park for the best part of two hours with not one cab in sight, they decided to ring 911 for assistance. Yes, 911 not 999, I have now been informed that both work equally well. When they duly asked the operator for assistance they were told it was not an emergency, to which came the reply, “well it is an emergency to me………”

Michael 'Lord; Welch
- Teddington

  

          

Amazingly, within minutes of the call a taxi came to their aid. Due to a communication breakdown it took the irate taxi driver three attempts to find out exactly which Kingston University Halls of Residence the cricketers were staying at. Racking up a fare of £50, The Argentines ‘armed’ with a solitary £20 note between them, somehow negotiated the cabby down.

A young Deer avoiding the three amigos in Bushy Park

Undercover - August 2010

If you look, sound or act, even slightly differently in Argentina you will be stared at. Dressing in full cricket tracksuit with Argentina plastered across my back was not enough to avoid the feeling I came from another planet altogether. A Planet where men are apparently tall, blond, blue eyed and have pointy noses.

Que frio!

To blend in I have been cultivating a mullet Chris Waddle would have been proud of. To hide my blue eyes, simple, dark shades are all year round accessory here. As for the pointy nose, I ensure I have at least two days growth of facial hair at all times; it’s a poor distraction but is helps.  Clothing wise, in addition to the standard kit I don a woolly hat, scarf and gloves as soon as the temperature falls below 18 degrees. In addition, I always remember to mention to all I meet that I am feeling very, very cold - 'Que frio!'


So to avoid my appalling Spanish giving me away I stick to one syllable answers. Body language is also crucial, so I throw in a shoulder shrugging and big hand movements, befitting of a continental footballer pleading with the referee not to book him. 

Mullet alert

An English handshake, a nod and a smile is considered ‘cold’ by Latin American standards. Instead, I have quite literally embraced the Argentine kiss on the left cheek without too many embarrassing head on collisions, greeting every team member in this manner each time we train has served as good practise.

The problem is, how long can I keep up this pretence? Not long it seems, on greeting fellow country man Andy Pick, the America’s high performance manager during his recent visit to help coach. I reverted to a cold handshake any North Midlander would be accustomed to. 

Myself and Andy Pick

I felt I was fully incognito as Andy, dressed in shorts did a double take at my convincing disguise until he bellowed across the nets “Hey Tobe, what the hell are you wearing? Anyone would think you were going skiing!” At which point the rugby players stopped mid stride and turned to stare at me like I was from another planet again. My cover was blown. 

Argentine Madness in Bermuda - July 2010

June 2010 saw Argentina take part in the Americas Division One in Bermuda featuring Bermuda, Canada, USA, Cayman Islands and Bahamas. 

Eighty years of experience - Donny Forrester and Bernie Irigoyen

The quality of cricket was extremely high. The outstanding batter of the tournament was Ritwan Cheema, who has not only scared bowlers from associate nations, but has also scored 89 in 61 balls against the West Indies in 2008. Bermuda had ex Glamorgan and Warwickshire batter David Hemp. The USA‘s star performer was all-rounder Lennox Cush, who was previously included in the Stanford Twenty20 provisional squad. With this amount of quality around Argentina finished a creditable 4^th, its highest ever position.

Argentine warm up

Argentina and The Bahamas provided the strangest game of the tournament. Argentina posted 333 for 5 in 50 overs, a team record. After the Bahamas were 16 for 2 some people may have thought the game was over. However, the Bahamas batters had other ideas. They promptly put on 197 for the 3^rd wicket in 17 overs! The reason for this carnage was that The Bahamas had to chase down the total quickly to try and avoid relegation on run rate. The carnage continued with the incoming batters scoring at a ridiculous rate up until the score was 332 for 7 in 33 overs.

The boys go out to battle against The USA

I receive a bucket of Ice over me after
victory against  The Cayman Islands

Then madness happened, the 8^th wicket was caught behind and then a crazy run out brought the number eleven in. After he blocked out the rest of the over the number seven batter took strike and promptly hit the ball through the covers. After running one The Bahamas players started to celebrate in the middle of the wicket thinking the ball had gone for four. However, the Argentine fielder chased the ball down and threw the ball into the wicket keeper. The last batter was run out trying to make his ground when he realised the ball had not gone to the boundary.

Savage bowling in an amazing spell which had Bermuda 40 for 4

Final score - match tied 333 for 5 in 50 overs plays 333 for 10 in 33 overs with a total of thirty five sixes hit in the game. Who said 50 over cricket was dead!!

Lucas Paterlini - 138  v The Bahamas 

   

Change of Seasons - May 2010

Now the season has come to an end in Argentina it’s my first chance to experience a winter in the southern hemisphere. We are in autumn now and the temperature can climb up to 20˚C in the day, with a clear blue sky, by the evening the temperature drops down to single figures. The change in climate has made way for Rugby, the nation’s second largest sport after football. The lush green grass which we played cricket on just weeks ago has been turned into a mud bath within days. 

The Belgrano cricket pitch four weeks after the cricket season

 
At weekends, we continue to train on grass but this is made difficult by a significant amount of dew on the pitches. Sometimes, we have to wait until 11.30am before pitches are fit to play on. This problem is compounded by the rollers, which are usually pulled by tractors. The pitch has to be completely dry and hard before the roller can be used, to avoid tyre tracks outside the off and leg stumps.

Cricket played on the same pitch just weeks before

I have been told that it snowed in Buenos Aires the winter before last and that the temperature can get to minus levels during the winter. I admit, I am not looking forward to this because we do not have the option of training indoors. On the plus side, the colder climate has finally killed off all the mosquitoes and we can train in peace. Mosquito’s in Argentina swell to the size of small aeroplanes during the summer after taking their daily blood samples, with a bite like a wasp sting. Until now, it has been impossible to go out to any area of grass or water without a bottle of the aptly named local insect repellent called ‘OFF’  close by.

OFF - Don't leave home without it

The national squad are now training for the Americas Division One which takes place in Bermuda next month and the ICC World Division Four in Italy in August. We train in the evenings during the week under floodlights on artificial nets now the days are shorter. This can be hazardous as it is not uncommon to have power cuts in Buenos Aires and this has occurred during some of our net sessions. Fortunately, a power cut has not happened yet once a bowler has let go of the ball.

Happy 200th Birthday Argentina - June 2010

I am writing this article on the Bicentennial of Argentina’s independence from Spain. There is a two day national holiday and an ongoing street party on the world’s biggest road, The Nueve de Julio. This euphoric feeling of nationalism has reignited the issue of sovereignty of The Islas Malvinas or as we know them, The Falkland Islands, especially since the discovery of oil in the surrounding British waters.  I prefer to keep a low profile today, preparing to travel for Bermuda, writing this article and letting the Argentines enjoy their 200^th birthday.  

Nueve de Julio

I had planned to write this article about the Argentine Under 19 Captain Alejo Tissera’s experiences playing cricket at the UK at Essex based club Woodford Wells. However, it seems entering the UK to play cricket in England is not so easy.

Alejo, the fast bowling all rounder, had been looking forward to his UK visit since Christmas.  That was until he landed in Heathrow and met UK immigration.  On discovering he had the wrong visa to play cricket he was immediately detained for ten hours and promptly sent back on the next available flight to the United States, where he has dual nationality. Alejo remained in the US with his father so he could reapply for the right visa in a second attempt to play for and enjoy the company of Woodford Wells. The new visa was unfortunately denied, so Alejo is stranded in the US.

Alejo Tissera in full flow

Argentine cricket visa and player eligibility issues did not end there, last month. Ryan Butta, the naturalised Argentine from Australia, who has been mentioned in earlier articles, sadly learned that  he didn't meet the eligibility required for The ICC Americas Championships in Bermuda and has thus had to withdraw from the Argentine squad. This however has given Alejo, who was on standby, a chance to play for Argentina in the upcoming tournament and he will travel directly from Boston to meet us in Bermuda. Let’s hope Bermuda will be more welcoming than the UK.

In Bermuda we will face, Canada, USA, Bermuda, Bahamas and The Cayman Islands. It is Argentina’s first competitive tournament since January 2009 in the ICC Division 3 Championships. We will be looking to improve on past performances and do especially well against The USA and The Cayman Islands who we will meet in the ICC Division Four in August in Italy.

The madness of Irigoyen - February 2010

There are always occasions causing high amusement during the Cricket season and these moments of hilarity seem to occur more regularly in Argentina. The madness of Bernie Irigoyen has been the instigator of many events, here are two of my favourites.

Experienced International - Bernie Irigoyen

In the first incident, Irigoyen managed to contribute minus five runs in the game. He arrived late to the ground due to traffic jams and eagerly ran onto the pitch and started to field at square leg. The umpire immediately turned to the scorers and took five runs off the fielding sides score. Bernie who had no idea of the rule of waiting until the end of the over before entering the field was able to spend the whole 45 overs fielding, thinking long and hard about his actions before going into bat.

Madman - Irigoyen

Bernie, a hard hitting opening batsman with an unorthodox technique, bounded to the crease. Batting number two with his opening partner he wanting to reclaim the runs which he had lost earlier. When the opening bowler bowled his first delivery Bernie was backing up at the non-strikers end keen to get out of the red. The number one batter hit a perfect straight drive which the bowler deflected with his left boot onto the non striker’s stumps. The result; Bernie was run out by a meter without facing a ball. For the rest of the season Bernie became known as “minus five.”

During the last game of the season the madness of Irigoyen reappeared, this time at the expense of one of his team mates, Lautaro Musilini. Lautaro, a highly effective leg spinning all-rounder aged fourteen came to Bernie for a bit of advice about calling and running between the wickets. Bernie, the experienced Argentine International, talked Argentina’s great leg spinning hope through the art of calling and issues of turning blind. They then approached running techniques, hill reps, ply metrics and overlooked the fact that humans generally get quicker as they go through their teens.

Argentina U19 - Lautaro Musiani

Irigoyen’s words of wisdom then moved on to equipment.  Bernie, thinking outside the box, suggested that Lautro would be quicker between the stumps with Wicket Keeping pads on. Problem solved the pair thought. Unfortunately when inexperienced Lautro went out to bat against St Georges all eleven St George’s fielders, the Umpires and Lautaro’s batting partner were in fits of laughter which could not be confidence boosting to the new batting innovation.

Conway 'The King' Young

Things got worse when Belize opening bowler Conway Young, charged down the hill with the wind and hit Lautro just above the left knee playing a forward defence. Lautro went down but refused to give up the theory and didn’t change to batting pads. He eventually made a battling 25 off 91 balls with not a quick single to show for all his bruises. What will the madness of Irigoyen bring to the cricket pitch next time?       

Diluviar – Hard Rain - March 2010

In Argentina the cricket season is divided in two halves with a mid season break of a month. I have never seen the benefits of a mid season break especially in football when those tight games in the holiday period between Christmas and New Year can define a season.  But now I am converted because the whole of Buenos Aires goes on holiday during this time and it is so ridiculously hot no one would want to play cricket anyway.

Paul Muchall, me and Tom Lewis

We started the season again at the beginning of February with a series of 10 games, playing different formats designed to bring the best 22 players in Argentina together so the standard of the fixtures would be higher. To help the series the MCC very kindly sent two MCC Young Cricketers, Paul Muchall and Tom Lewis, over for the month to help with this process.

After a roasting hot January nobody could foresee what was to be the wettest February for one hundred and forty nine years in Buenos Aires with 80mm falling in a three hour period happening. The locals said that Tom and Paul brought the weather with them from England, but I can safely say that the weather was not from England but another planet. 

Fighting a losing battle

In Argentina there  are levels for the rain from 0 – 10 on the weather channel and looking in my faithful Spanish Dictionary I found two words for rain, lluvia meaning rain and diluviar meaning hard rain. However, after hearing the word diluvar on the weather and being unfortunate enough to experience this I feel the translation is slightly misleading.  diluvar would be better translated as - Get home soon or you will have to take cover, if no cover is found from diluvar in the first three seconds you will be soaked through.

Argentina U19s - Champions of Americas Division 2

Unfortunately we lost two weekends cricket and the Americas U19s tournament was also disrupted by diluviar but we managed to play six games including two day night Twenty20 games.  Paul and Tom from the MCC raised the standard of cricket during the month, helped develop other players by playing and training with them. They also helped enormously with coaching the Under 19s who managed to gain promotion by winning the Americas Division Two. I am sure they are both going to have fantastic careers in the future. We hope to see more pros come over to Buenos Aires in the future.

Defecting Cricketers in South America - January 2010

Although 90% of the cricketers in Argentine national squad are born and bred in Argentina it is enviable that there will be the odd player who is an ex-pat you has qualified through residency. England have Kevin Pietersen, the West Indies have Bredan Nash and Argentina have Gary Savage from South Africa and Ryan Butta from Australia. Each player has been patient to qualify for selection.

Gary Savage - South African Argentine

Ryan Butta an aggressive seam bowler who has played grade cricket in Sydney in the past thought long and hard before defecting to play for Argentina.

Here is his letter to Tim Nielsen informing him of his decision to turn his back on the Baggy Green in favour of the Baggy Blue.

Dear Tim,

I am writing to advise you that I am declaring myself unavailable for selection for the Australian Test, One Day or Twenty20 teams. Having grown up idolising the Baggy Green it is obvious that these words I write are tinged with some regret. However, I do feel that I am crossing a cricketing threshold and entering an exciting new phase of my career.

After plying my trade in grade cricket in Newcastle, Sydney and Brisbane, my skiddy medium pacers and hard hitting lower order batting have now found a home in the Southern Cone of South America.

Skiddy medium pacer Ryan Butta - Australian Argentine

I moved to Argentina in 2007, looking more to chase tail than advance my international cricketing career but things have worked out well for me here and I believe that my cricketing future now lies with Cricket Argentina.

I debuted earlier this week against Bermuda and felt instantly at home in International Cricket. Failing to be picked for UNSW seconds had left a lot of doubts in my mind but when I crossed the boundary and entered the international arena I knew I belonged. I think my figures of 1-19 off 10 probably leave a little bit of egg on the face of some of your selectors, the self same selectors that not that long ago thought that Mick Lewis was an international cricketer. But Tim, I digress and now is not a time for bitterness but for joy.

I hope you accept this notice as the final word on the matter. I do not wish to be hounded down with counter-offers and lucrative sponsorship deals. I am on a very good package here with a lot of benefits and in return they ask only that I turn up on time and sober. I have made a commitment to the Baggy Blue and I intend to stick to it. 

Best of luck for the rest of the South African series and maybe we can squeeze in a beer at the next World Cup.

Yours in cricket, 

Ryan Butta

London Buses in Argentina - November 2009

Things that surprise me in Argentina; mad driving, having dinner at 10PM is considered early, buying two of the best steaks and a decent bottle of red wine for under fifteen pounds, how bad my Spanish is, being called tall and having blond hair (I am 5,11 and have brown hair), the occasional outburst from Maradona and how long a TV commentator can hold his breath to shout goooollllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Lautaro Musiani, Martin Siri, Sofia Bruno and Belen Casas

However, nothing surprised me as much as when I walked in the grounds of St Albans School to take my first national squad training session. The first thing I saw were two immaculate Red Route Master London Buses dating back to 1958. These must be antiques which are there to sell the school to show British connections you may be thinking? No, the story goes that the buses were brought over to Argentina by a collector who had a son at St Albans and were donated to the school to help transport the children to away fixtures. They are still being used today for the same function and I have been told they are running well but there have been a few incidents with low bridges!

There are nine cricket grounds in Buenos Aires and three have turf pitches.  The standard of cricket is much better than expected. If you consider that the national side do not get to see cricket on the TV and proper internet feeds have only been available for the last 4-5 years. I am staggered to see how players have developed to the level they have and can only imagine how good they would be if they were brought up in a test playing nation. It is no coincidence that the younger generation of bowlers are all mystery spinners where as the older players are all seamers.

Lost in Translation - December 2009

Have you ever tried to explain what cricket is? In Spanish? In a country where only a few thousand people play the sport and it is not on TV?

I have had this unpleasant experience a lot in Argentina in the last few months and it is because of the directness of the people in their conversation. For instance, it would be frowned upon to ask how old you are in the first few questions after you meet someone, but in Argentina this is very normal. This question was put to my Mum over Christmas dinner and she obviously responded by saying “twenty-nine”. There was as hushed silence around the table, followed by a lot of Spanish which I could not understand and some very grim faces.

I know what question is coming after “What is your name?” it is “How old are you?” And then the equally inevitable, “Que haces?”, meaning, “what do you do?” At this point I like to think I have got this covered, I’ve been through it over a hundred times in Spanish classes and reply; “Entrenador de Cricket para Argentina”

A silence then falls and the questioner with a confused face will most definitely say, “Que?”

I then indulge in a bit more ‘explaining’. I’ll stop at the point where I think I have cracked it and wait for a response, something along the lines of, “Cricket no!” Accompanied by actions which look like the worst cricket shot in the world.

Do I look like I coach Croquet?

At the point of the crap stroke, more often than not I’ll think how wonderful this is. I can’t believe how many people in Argentina seem to know about the game. Cricket is obviously flourishing and it will not be long before we take on Rugby and Football for TV rights, after all it was the first organized team sport in Argentina.

Then it becomes clear, I suddenly realise why my apartment porter looks at me like I’ve just  landed from space, every time I emerge from my flat carrying my cricket kit. He pulls me over to his computer and points to his screen saver, exclaiming, “This is what you do, this is what you do!”

It’s at this moment my whole cricket-fuzzy world came crashing down before me. And most embarrassingly of all, I cringe when I think just how many people think of me as the National Coach of Croquet for Argentina.