Undercover - August 2010

If you look, sound or act, even slightly differently in Argentina you will be stared at. Dressing in full cricket tracksuit with Argentina plastered across my back was not enough to avoid the feeling I came from another planet altogether. A Planet where men are apparently tall, blond, blue eyed and have pointy noses.

Que frio!

To blend in I have been cultivating a mullet Chris Waddle would have been proud of. To hide my blue eyes, simple, dark shades are all year round accessory here. As for the pointy nose, I ensure I have at least two days growth of facial hair at all times; it’s a poor distraction but is helps.  Clothing wise, in addition to the standard kit I don a woolly hat, scarf and gloves as soon as the temperature falls below 18 degrees. In addition, I always remember to mention to all I meet that I am feeling very, very cold - 'Que frio!'


So to avoid my appalling Spanish giving me away I stick to one syllable answers. Body language is also crucial, so I throw in a shoulder shrugging and big hand movements, befitting of a continental footballer pleading with the referee not to book him. 

Mullet alert

An English handshake, a nod and a smile is considered ‘cold’ by Latin American standards. Instead, I have quite literally embraced the Argentine kiss on the left cheek without too many embarrassing head on collisions, greeting every team member in this manner each time we train has served as good practise.

The problem is, how long can I keep up this pretence? Not long it seems, on greeting fellow country man Andy Pick, the America’s high performance manager during his recent visit to help coach. I reverted to a cold handshake any North Midlander would be accustomed to. 

Myself and Andy Pick

I felt I was fully incognito as Andy, dressed in shorts did a double take at my convincing disguise until he bellowed across the nets “Hey Tobe, what the hell are you wearing? Anyone would think you were going skiing!” At which point the rugby players stopped mid stride and turned to stare at me like I was from another planet again. My cover was blown.